Panic and intimacy droughts and ex-wife comparison (oh my!)
What's on *your* beautiful stepmom brain...?
"I've never worked harder than I have in the year and a half that I've been a stepmom. And it's gotten me exactly nowhere..."
"When I see her car pull up or her name pop up on my husband's phone, I have a full-body panic reaction. It takes me hours to recover."
"With one of my stepkids, it was this instant bond. With the other one... it's been very hard. I feel such enormous guilt about it, too."
"I love my stepkids and they love me. But they never mention me on social media. They post about their mom, their dad, their stepdad... but never me. I think I get it but... it still feels terrible."
"I compare myself to my partner's ex-wife CONSTANTLY. About everything. Job, car, hair, body, family of origin, IQ, style— it's like I'm caught in a never-ending, obsessive loop. Trying to 'win' and for what?!"
"Since we merged families, we haven't had a moment alone as a couple. When my kids are with their dad, my stepkids are with us, and vice versa. We haven't had a night together to 'reconnect' in months."
No, these aren't lines from some stepfamily soap opera. They're lifted straight from the 1:1 calls I've been having with the new members of The Stepmom Sessions.
(You'll get a call of your own if you join by tonight!)
On each 1:1 call, I start by asking: What's top of mind at the moment? What's 1 place we can focus our time together to rustle up some well-deserved relief?
The quotes above (slightly paraphrased to protect members' privacy) are just a smattering of responses I've gotten so far.
And just how much progress can two stepmoms make when we put our heads together for an hour?, you ask?
A whole helluva lot, turns out!
On these calls, individual members and I have:
clarified triggers + connected them to personal values
role-played tricky conversations
scripted out boundary-setting requests
audited summer schedules to free up space + reduce overwhelm
compiled a list of must-haves when searching for a skilled (step)family therapist
brainstormed creative ways to connect with stepkids when they're—*ahem*—challenging to connect with
prioritized books, blog posts, podcast episodes and other resources to match the current stage of stepmom life and—again—reduce overwhelm (you sensing a theme here? 😉)
In a word, it's been incredible.
And in between calls, I've been bopping over to my DMs, chatting it up with loads more of you there. Helping prospective members decide if The Stepmom Sessions is the right fit + cheering on every other stepmom who I meet there. Like this lovely lady:
Ohhh, I think I might have some idea.
In my 12 years as a stepmom, I think I've experienced the full charcuterie board of human emotions. And in just about every case, I wondered if it was "normal" to be feeling that way.
(Still do, honestly. Just nowhere near as often. And it certainly doesn't cause me to spiral like it used to!)
Remember, I'm sitting on a veritable pile of psych research over here. (20 years' worth! 😅) What a waste it would be if I didn't apply some of that data to my own stepmom life, right?
I've led research teams.
Taught classes of undergrads + grad students.
Spoken on stages big and small, in-person and virtual.
Supported therapy and coaching clients, individually and—(my favorite!)— in groups.
And I've packed up all that (useful) baggage and brought it with me into this newest stage of life:
✨ My stepmom hype-girl era ✨
If you join me inside The Stepmom Sessions membership, you won't just gain unlimited access to 30+ facilitated support groups each month. You'll gain a stepmom friend + cheerleader for life.
I care SO MUCH about you creating a stepmom life you love that I have a notebook on my bedside table dedicated to the sole purpose of capturing new ideas (which often come to me in the middle of the night) for how I can support you.
(This membership was one of those ideas. And I've already got the next one waiting in the wings. 👀)
But, I can't keep waving you in forever. Eventually, I've gotta sit my butt down and actually host these calls, right?
So— one more time, with feeling— here's what you'll find inside The Stepmom Sessions:
Unlimited access to all group sessions (6/week, with more being added)
New Stepmom Group sessions
Childless & Childfree Stepmom Group sessions
Stepmom Grief Group sessions
Full-Time & Primary Caregiver Stepmom Group sessions
All-Stepmoms' Group sessions
Expert guidance by a licensed psychologist (and stepmom of 12 years 🙋♀️)
The security of a focused, facilitated, judgment-free environment
Live, face-to-face conversation with stepmoms from all walks of life
Time-limited replay access to any call you miss
AND if you opt to join by the stroke of midnight TONIGHT, you'll also get a 60-min, 1:1 coaching call with me to chat about anything under the sun.
Consider it your ticket to finding sweet, sweet relief from whatever pressing headache's been cramping your stepmom style—
...not to mention the smug satisfaction of knowing you've squeezed every last drop of support out of this (already super-supportive) membership!
We've talked about The Stepmom Sessions from lots of different angles over the past week.
So, if you're just joining us (or playing catchup), here's your quick guide:
Want an overview of the essentials? 👉 Here's The Stepmoms Sessions membership at a glance + the story that inspired it.
Been burned by a judge-y stepmom space in the past? 👉 Here's my iron-clad pledge that there'll be none of that garbage on our calls.
Wondering if your experiences and questions are "normal" or not? 👉 Here's my special pitch to new stepmoms (and any stepmom who feels a bit imposter-ish at times).
Wondering where you fit into the menu of groups inside The Stepmom Sessions? 👉 Here's a (very official) quiz to help you.
Got a burning question about The Stepmom Sessions? 👉 It's probably covered here. (And if not, you're welcome to DM me!)
Hoping to meet you 1:1 very soon!
Michaela
P.S. Today's the last day to get your bonus 1:1 coaching call with me when you join our brand-new, much-requested, LIVE support group subscription, The Stepmom Sessions!
It’s going to make your stepmom life…
🤝 instantly less isolated. Try feeling alone when you’re sitting face-to-face with stepmoms from all over the world. Not possible.
📝 much more manageable. As personal as they may feel, the challenges you’re running into come up for many other stepmoms. There’s always a way through, and we’ll find it together.
😅 far less overwhelming + exhausting. You’re in this role, but you’re not defined by it. We’ll put you back in the driver’s seat so you can reclaim your energy and aim it at whatever you choose.
✨ exactly what you want it to be! Wish you could say “I love being a stepmom” and have it be the truth? Dream of taking a step (or 20 steps) back from your stepmom duties? Whatever kind of #stepmomlife you desire for yourself, this will help you get there.
The Stepmom Sessions is a total vibe, and I don’t mind saying so. There’s nothing else like it out there for stepmoms.
Included in your Stepmom Sessions membership:
Unlimited access to all group sessions (6/week, with more being added)
Expert guidance by a licensed psychologist (and stepmom of 12 years)
The security of a focused, facilitated, judgment-free environment
Live, face-to-face conversation with stepmoms from all walks of life
Time-limited replay access to any call you miss
And if you’re one of the first stepmoms to join us inside, there’s some extra goodness in it for you:
A 60-min, 1:1 coaching call with me to talk about any aspect of stepmom life you want!
New here? Hi, I'm Michaela Bucchianeri, PhD — psychologist + stepmom of 12 years
…and I can’t wait to help you live a stepmom life you love.
Becoming a stepmom rocked my world in just about every way. And while this role brings so much potential for joy and fulfillment… the path to getting there isn't always intuitive.
Now? I'm on a mission to help you create a stepmom identity that's all your own– so you can worry less, shift your energy to whatever lights you up, and start having (way) more fun.
A few places to start:
💌 Subscribe to The Stepmom Sleepover. Join our week(end)ly, virtual slumber party where you’ll find candid stories, game-changing stepmom skills, and a roundup of goodies— from relevant research to book recs to stepfamily-approved recipes + more! Stepmom life’s a whole lot easier when you’re not doing it alone!
📺 Check out our YouTube channel. With fresh content (+ live Stepmom Chats) daily, this is where you’ll find all the trending topics, real-time conversations, and video library of resources for stepmoms, all in one place! New videos every week.
💬 Come say Hello! Slide into my DMs and let’s chat about stepmom life!
To get in touch with me directly, send me a DM or email hello@theanxiousstepmom.com.
I’m so glad you’re here!